Do Not Fall in Love with Such a Man

Don’t fall in love with a guy who kisses you on the forehead. Do not fall in love with a guy who inspires you to be more than who you are.

Who tells you on your face that you are wrong but still continues to love you. Don’t fall in love with a guy who will answer your call even at 12 in the night and make sure that you are okay.

Do not fall in love with a guy who simply accepts your life, friends and friendships and never questions you on them. Do not fall in love with a guy who can be Romeo and come down just to see you and nothing else. Do not fall in love with a guy with whom you CAN have long conversations – that are non romantic. Do not fall in love with a guy who listens and who shares his dreams with you and seeks your opinion on matters that concern him. Do not fall in love with a guy who is transparent.

Don’t even think of falling in love with a guy who lets you hold his hand and also holds yours and walks forward, as he realizes his and you realize your dreams…. because when you fall in love with a man of such character, irrespective of whether he stays in love with you or not, irrespective of whether life takes you apart or not, you will never come back and be the same. You will struggle to be completely and entirely independent because his love will have changed you.  Either you keep him forever, or do not fall in love with such a man at all.

~ Apsara Iyengar

Inspired from Martha Rivera-Garrido – http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/3246253-don-t-fall-in-love-with-a-woman-who-reads-a – Do not fall in love with a woman

 

Do Not Fall in Love with a Man - Apsara Iyengar

 

Make up Your Mind!

So, here goes.  – My experience with booking tickets on IRCTC and what I learnt from it.

Without doubt, this has been THE craziest experience and I have no choice but to share. For the simple reason, that I sit here, with 5 confirmed tickets on the railways from Baroda to Bombay, with two people to travel.

There’s a famous saying, “Pehle aap, pehle aap mein nawab sahab ki gadi nikal gayi” (Nawab sab kept delaying his decision (our of chivalry) and missed the train.) But in my case, waiting … delaying my decision… has landed me with 5 CONFIRMED tickets to my name.

Here’s how it all started:

I So want to catch that train!

Situation:  Wednesday night, 11 Feb, 2015 I decide I have to go to bombay.

But when must I go?

  1. Thursday Night, 12, Feb 2015
  2. Friday Morning, 13 Feb, 2015
  3. Friday Night, 13 Feb, 2015 – where I reach bombay on Saturday night.

It’s important for me to be there on the weekend. And looking at the workload, I decide maybe Friday Morning or Friday Night.

After breaking my head A LOT, and I mean A LOT, i decide to go on Friday morning. So that means, I now have to book TATKAL tickets.

Case 1:  Thursday morning, 10:00 A.M. , 12 Feb 2015

I try to book on IRCTC tatkal, and the tickets don’t get booked because site is down.

Case 2: Thursday morning, 11:00 A.M.

I go to the railway station and after a 1 hour waiting, book tickets on the morning train with a Waitlist 77.

One of my friends advises me to just buy a physical ticket and get onto the train and talk to TC later. I decide this is the only option.

However, life suddenly changes!

Case 3: Thurday Morning, 1:00 PM the IRCTC site is working

Site not working, as usual. IRCTC Just..........
Site not working, as usual. IRCTC Just……….

A friend calls up to inform me that the site is working and I decide to check if I can get my tickets done too.

Voila! There are 182 tickets on the morning train and 44 tickets on the night train!

Isn’t that fantastic?

But by now, Ms. Apsara Iyengar has changed her mind. Now Ms. Apsara Iyengar suddenly feels she has TOO much work and would prefer to go in the night train rather than the morning train.

And you know what else she suddenly remembers? This OTHER friend who also wanted to travel to the same destination. She calls him up and asks,

Her: Do you wnat to join?

Him: Hey! Sure. Book me on the night train, 13 Feb, 2015.

Her: Cool.

I go on to book the tickets and VOILA! All tickets SOLD OUT. Now, we’re on waitlist 2 and 3.

She calls friend.

Her: On waitlist. Shall I book? We’ll just get on the train!

Him: OK done.

She books waitlist.

He calls

Him: Did you book waitlist?

Her: Yes! Why?

Him: Why don’t you try another train… that would be better right?

Her: Hmm. Ok.

And there arises Case 4!

Case 4:  Booking ANOTHER tatkal ticket, on 12th Feb, 2015 for 13th night.

There were just 2 tickets left on the other train and I go ahead and book it.

The catch is: The tickets are booked for 14 FEB 2015, night.

Her: F****

Him: What happned?

Her: How can tatkal book 2 days in advance?

Him: Haha. Happens when trains are from outstation. I am cool going 14th Night. No issues!

Her: But I desperately want to go tomorrow 😐

Him: Ok! Let’s try the waitlist.

 

Meanwhile, Case 5 happens, because I am desperate.

Bura Khayal... jaise koi train choot rahi ho...
Bura Khayal… jaise koi train choot rahi ho…

Case 5:  The final  decision. To board a train of which I dint have ANY ticket of. Neither waitlist, neither tatkal, neither confirmed.

So I speak to my friend in Bombay and she says, “You have a waitlist ticket for morning? Just board the train and once you’re here, you’re sorted na.”

 

And so overnight, I decide I want to go in the morning!

I message my friend that Iam taking the morning train and that he should take the next day’s confirmed ticket. He agrees.

 

Him: Hey… Are ticlkkets for Saturday Night, 14 Feb, 2015 still valid?

Her: Yes. You take that train. I am going in the morning.

Him: 14th Morning you’re going? How did you get the ticket!

Her: I din’t! I am going on 13th Morning, with a waitlist 77 ticket.

Him: Alright. I’ll take the night train.

 

I call my other friend the same night and tell her I am coming to her place on an unreserved ticket. She freaks out.

She: I think you should take a Karnavati, which has general tickets rather than Double Decker with a waitlist ticket.

Her: Hmm. That means waking up at 6 am and boarding a train I have no ticket with?

She: yep!

Her: Okay!


The Final Decision which is Finally changed.

Last night status: Because it’s so late and I am so mismanaged, I sleep without checking tickets.

Morning: I am ready by 6 am and I go on to cancel my waitlist ticket of tatkal.

updated 1: My tatkal waitlist tickets of vadodara express are confirmed for 13th Night, Feb 2015.

Now I have vadodara express tickets for my friend and me! wah.

update 2: My waitlist 77 ticket of the morning train is confirmed overninght.

Just as I am leaving to get a refund on my morning train ticket, I see a confirmed status. wah.

update 3: More of a realization of the tatkal tickets for 14th night, Feb 2015 which were accidentally booked on Golden temple.

And this was a saturday night ticket that I never wanted to go on!

Him: You know what? You do what you want. I’ll go 14th night.

Her: Ok.

And so, here I am. I cancelled my morning tickets to get only a 50% refund.

I am going by the night train, which means I’ll reach tomorrow morning.

My friend’s going on the night train, day after.

 

I learnt many things in the bargain of this experience:

Here are some pointers.

  1. Delay of decisions can make you repent. Because, you might just lose opportunities.
  • Based on the tickets that ran out in the first place! Had I taken a quick decision, I’d have just bought two (or just my) night ticket!
  1. Delay of decisions might land you with MORE than what you expected!
  • Like my 5 bookings!! ALl tickets that got booked overnight!
  1. Too many cooks spoil the broth.

    The "Why" part.
    The “Why” part.
  • Why did I speak to my friend who told me that tatkal tickets are getting booked online after an hours break?
  • Why did I suddenly remember the friend who wanted to come along?
  • Why did I ask TWO friends in Bombay?
  • Why did I take advise from my baroda friend and not pay heed?

In short, it’s a classic case of having too many people involed in ONE small matter.

  1. IRCTC has a connection with KARMA.
  • one of my reasons to go a day early, was to avoid a situation that was disturbing me emotionally. I realize that I have NO control on that 😀 I feel like IRCTC was taking the revenge by telling me: Ms. Apsara you can’t travel with that instability.
  1. ANYTHING is Possible with DESTINY.
  • like the sharukh khan dialogue from Om shanti om and Paulo Coehlo’s Alchemist:

“When you really want something, the whole universe conspires to make it happen.

Well, I really, really wanted to be on a train on friday. When I booked the tatkal ticket for friday night, I really, really wanted it. By the time I decided to go in the morning, I really, really wanted the morning train.

I wanted both the things. And I din’t make up my mind.

Eventually, I decided to go this night…. eventually the decision was taken and I have no regrets about the delay in travel. But the only thing to learn here is, I had to pay a price! 😉 an extra price… for getting what I wanted, just because I wasn’t clear!

WIth all my tickets tatkal, I am paying 5 times the price to get to bombay, and no refunds.

But this definitely makes me realize, things really can change unexpected.

Can you imagine a waitlist tatkal ticket getting confirmed?

Can you imagine 24 hours in, waitlist 77 gets confirmed?

Can you imagine you book a wrong date for tatkal tickets and it’s confirmed? Wait. That’s the stupid part, i’d really not want to think about.

 

In short, IRCTC can teach you a lot.

There’s not much difference between the Indian railaways and life.

The site can go down any time, it can come up any time, waitlists can be confirmed anytime, tatkal tickets can change dates and open 2 days in advance any time… it’s just like life, endless.

 

While I write this extremely long post, not so much frustration is felt now… because I am having my cup of tea, seeing it “Half” full and “Half empty” at the same time.

 

Along with all the learnings that have come in, there’s one more point:

One, I am not working today.

A conscious decision to take out time and do what i’d really wnat to do with a break.

And two, next time, I’m not going to plan a trip with a vested interest. KARMA acts right.

May be, I’ll call up this friend and apologise for emotional instability?

Generally... I am just feeling like Geet. So!
Generally… I am just feeling like Geet. So!

Or may be, I’ll just right down a love letter with valentine’s round the corner?

Or maybe i’ll just let all this chaos phaze out.

 

Well, I have a whole train journey to figure out the many things in mind.

For now, holiday it is.

 

Write back with your insight. And a big congratualtions for surviving this post!

Adios,

Love,
Apsara

Crime against Women – Introspection Part 1

So does this mean, only in case of mass violence, we are moved or affected? When it’s a group of people being attacked, somehow we find strength to unite. But, if an individual is victimized, we stand and watch?

I was discussing Newtown with Mom this morning, and I said “Would people in India defend and protect like they did? Would our people be moved just as much?” And mom said, “Of course. In that moment, I am sure, we’d think of nothing else, but to protect the children. We wouldn’t think of living or dying.”

But I am so disturbed by the incidents we hear of, here in India. The Guwahati molestation, mumbai daylight killings and now the Delhi gangrape on the bus..

Where does humanity go in such cases? how can people just watch?
And in a bus? …. really.. like in a bus? And the perpetrators have not been identified.. do u mean to say, the rest of the people in the bus traveled comfortably all the way to wherever they were going?(Later revealed the bus had ONLY the rapists.) 

I just wish we would all understand that tolerating such crime is a crime in itself.
No girl, no matter how she dresses or where she goes – deserves such a fate. No human being deserves to be tortured like this.

Who gives them the freedom to walk scot free?
Why is the legislature so weak that people think “it’s OKAY” and “We can get away with crime”? ….WHY.

I don’t care about anything else in our nation (and am up for serious reprimand for saying this.) except that the law and order HAS to be put into place. Perpetrators HAVE to be caught. FEAR of BEING CRIMINALS should be set in. People seem to “pride” in over powering the woman, being criminals – it’s becoming a “path to take”. Is that what our society is becoming? How can we be so tolerant. HOW…

It’s seems like it’s better to take a gun or a knife and go around killing these people that actually being good people. And you know what? I bet – if the woman of this nation start doing that – people will start advocating”HOW” women should behave. I am sure leaders of morality will stand up in seconds, but now – in this moment – we’re just spectators. None of us doing anything. And, it’s shameful. Let’s at least just KNOW that THIS is shameful. We should be ashamed that we’re letting this happen to our women.

If the victim has a knife on her and she killed every man who tried to touch her, i am sure people would have filed a case on her. Eye witnesses woould have spoken, people would have “talked” BECAUSE it’s OKAY to speak about the this woman because she’s not a bad human being, right? She’s not going to charge after them. She was just defending herself – so, it’s okay to speak up against her.
I am sure, SHE would have been tried in court while her perpetrators would have mourners.
No such heroism would ever be celebrated. …. or maybe I’m just being pessimistic. The first negative thought on Half A Cup of Tea.

I am so angered and so hurt. In the past ten years, growing up, I have only seen more and more of these crimes and we’re only becoming “tolerant”.

Wake up people, wake up. Wake up!!!!
We’ve gone from movies like Halla Bol – where rape was being faught to movies like Rowdy Rathore, where rape is treated so casually.

I really, earnestly, wish to voice out – RAPE is NOT a joke. Violating a woman is NOT something that should be acccepted or entertained. I really feel it’s the highest degree of violence, it can NOT be accepted.

Ideally I see two ways from here:
Image

That’s the only thing I can see right now!
We’re becoming more and more tolerant with each day.

Yesterday, my friend and I were on a bike and a rickshaw driver, drunk in the dry state, drove so rash that he almost drove us over. I shrieked in relex “ What are you doing?” in Gujarati and that was all I said. He stopped his rickshaw in such tremedous anger, the way he looked at us he said, “How dare you speak to me like this?”

He went ahead and we drove slowly. My girl-friend said, “Aps don’t get involved with such people.” And I said, “Babes! It was reflex! He almost  pushed us over.” We both were moved.
And then we observed that the rickshaw driver was moving really slowly.

He wanted us to overtake him, so that he could fight and abuse us. My friend and I decided to stop the vehicle and let him go by. We din’t want to get into a situation. We let him pass.

He waited briefly and then left.
We went our way, but the incident just struck me.

Is it the male ego? Is it the urge to feel superior? What is it?
What is it that makes these men think like this?

Write in – in the comments below and help me understand!
I seriously think we all need to ask these questions.

Also, let me clarify, I am NOT anti-men – I am anti-crime-against-women.
Image
Also, this is not done yet. Part II coming soon.
Every woman in this country, sometime in life, has faced abuse. We just don’t come out with it.

How many cases will we report?

Everyone of us has been either molested, eve-teased, or put in a terribly dreadful situation and this is something only a woman will know.
If you are a woman and you want to voice out a story, write to me on apsara.iyengar@gmail.com and we’ll try to do something about this. Let’s brainstorm on trying to fix this nation. Is there a way? Is there hope? I want to try. I just can’t sit there thinking it’s all okay and someone else will save us.

p.s. I got the above picture from this blog:

An interesting read. Says –

“As long as we allow government to be the only protector sentences like “she was asking for it” or the ever so funny “Don’t go out after dark” will be heard. Honestly, if we aren’t allowed to rely on anything other than the police, who will only show up after the fact, what else is there to say?

But if we play with the thought that many women carries a gun, the same sentences can instead be laid upon the rapist. ‘That guy really was asking for it. Trying to rape a woman with a gun. Pfffff… what a smuck!’ ” [ Link to the post]

They finally killed JESSICA.

As I sipped my cup of tea, I read the news paper. And a silent discussion ensued between the article and myself.

When Jessica was murdered, I was a school kid in Delhi. I watched the story on the News. I saw the pictures. I saw how the assassin walked out free. I wasn’t old enough to comprehend much, but something about it registered very strongly. A life finished-off at the hands of some person with a bad temper and a gun in his hand.

Years later, when I am older , I see the Justice happening. 10 years later. I see people protesting , I see a movement, I see a lot of hard work, strength , grit , and courage.
Moved ; in a college debate, I discuss Gandhigiri in this day and age. It isn’t about taking another blow. It is about winning over evil without resorting to wrong means. Modifying the Gandhian principles to stand against the wrong today, I sited how Media Activisim had brought the Jessica lal and Priyadarshini Mattoo cases to a closure.
It was purely the power of togetherness. A united call questioning the judiciary responsible for our security. When people marched out with candles, when they demanded justice, when they asked questions and expected answers; when the MEDIA was ONE with the people and when in the true spirit , the nation was democratic.
Death and rape are too absolute. For murder of life and murder of soul, no price paid is even.

The Jessica Lal murder case reached an end not because some egoistic journalist decided to drive a movement for personal gratification or weak sibling who gave up the battle abruptly; as shown in the movie. Contrarily, the case reached a closure because somehow, the people who fought, didn’t give up. It is because of unshaken determination and unshaken courage to fight.
Having lost her sister and her mother , with her father hospitalised, you can sense how tough it might have been for Sabrina Lall , sister of the deceased Jessica. In the movie,it is the part where the journalist walks in and shouts “ Sabrina this is about Jessica. Not about you” , is where I cringed.
Why does the movie fail to show that had Sabrina given up 10 years back, or any time mid way, the so-called-jouralist-hero in the movie would not have got her story.
Sabrina’s failures in getting support are highlighted profoundly, but her fight isn’t. Had she not fought, would this end have been met? The end has been met. Justice has been done. Hence, logically ; an incorrect representation.

And the end has been met because of the first of its kind : Media activism, which brought a whole country together.
Yes, Indian journalism had never before, in “free India”, seen anything like this.
The movie merely states this as a fact, without successfully touching the pulse. It “informs” us about the SMSes that have come in, about the Calls, about protests, but fails yet again to touch the sould of truth. How did the nation empathize? How did it all start? Only because a journalist began screaming about “Justice” and a sudden set of haphazard sting operations?
Those who followed the cases closely like I did, would know. When the court acquitted the doer, it enraged the common man. It’s wasn’t about it being a “high profile” murder case, but it was about the brink of tolerance. It was the anger over all those murders that have happened. It was about trusting our own lives with the indian judicial system. It was about a question on our legal system : how could a murderer, proven guilty before entire nation, walk out scot free.
Perhaps the common man can’t do much for all that is unjust, but at least he could do something. For once, he could come together and demand justice. For once it could make sure that integrity is maintained.
And it was this Media Activism that played a major role in winning over corruption : where witnesses were bought, threatened or killed to save the guilty.

Perhaps I’d just have ignored this movie like the many other badly made movies in Bollywood, had I not read that article over tea.

An article by Georges Mailhot ( Peter from the movie) about the trials that his family and he had to go through for being honest. It brought back the memory of how the court had applauded this family, for sticking to their word, for their courage and how this movie showed then in a totally negative light.
In the article, Mailhot writes about how his wife Bina Ramani, daughter Malini, and himself had retained their statements throughout and how they had been unofficially harassed , all through the years of the trial . From passport seizure to property issues to false framing in cases, they saw it all – only so that Jessica could get justice. Only because they had a clear conscience.
Today they receive hate mails from people who watched the movie.
Why! Our sweet-little-movie-makers had said right in the begining, in BOLD LETTERS , that the movie is based on a true life incident, BUT IS PART FICTION.
Why then do these people believe the representations? And which representation is to be believed and which not; if this is a true story?

Why then do the real wounded have to pay the price for their honesty. Why.

A movie that is made on true life instances cannot afford to stray from truth a look like a poorly-informed-magazine-article taken to tabloid.
The Jessica Lall case, the Mattoo case, they all go far beyond Wikipedia!
Yet, if you read the wiki page for Jessica Lall, you will see that the movie is based entirely on that one page. The characters and their representation however, are on imagination. Wow. Very creative.

Unfortunately I am not a News channel journalist. Nor am I am film maker. Nor am I a professional critique. Hence, my shouting “Cannot” doesn’t make a difference.
I am told not to take this movie seriously because movies are meant merely for entertainment. Real life events that moved a nation are now entertainment.
On the other hand, so many are claiming that such movies are good for educating people. And this Education is superficial.

Still, people who made the movie , will reap in the commercial success and believe they have made history. They will go out there and make more movies based on half truths.
Ignorance will prevail and will be appreciated.
Movies will be made on real issues that reigned high on EQ for entertainment. People will continue to support the movie without being affected by a Manu Sharma being jailed or hanged or walking scot free; as long as they are entertained.
And those who are sensitized, will hold the Ramanis in the same frame as Manu Sharma because the movie committed the sin of showing them in the same light. Of course no one will care to see how wrong the film makers were!
Somewhere down the line… People will watch the movie and like it, not especially because they were touched, but because they didn’t read the newspaper 12 years back and it is “cool” to like a real-life-movie and pretend to be informed.

Bravo.

Resources :
About 80 compiled links of the case : http://www.rediff.com/news/jessica.html  

The MUST reads :

  1. Court lauds Bina Ramani’s courage : http://www.rediff.com/news/2006/dec/18jessica4.htm
  2. The arguments that nailed Manu : http://www.rediff.com/news/2006/dec/18jessica3.htm
  3. It is a victory for all of us: Sabrina Lal : http://www.rediff.com/news/2006/dec/18jessica2.htm

All about being a GIRL and Having the OPTION

The most unnerving context in which I have found myself lately, is the : –  “Oh! It doesn’t really matter for you! Being a girl you have the option” – statement . And to add to that, the “Being a girl, you should…” sermons. I am obliged to write today for the very same reason; I found myself with a bunch of long-lost-friends, and one of them said it again, “Being a girl… I just thought I should ask you that…..”. I tried my best not to react, inspiring myself to write about it instead 😉 So here goes! – In the name of all those monologues , which had us biting our teeth in exasperation! Cheers!

My grandmother visits with all the possible warmth. As I sip my cup of tea, she asks me what I am doing these days. I tell her, “Paati, I am working on my portfolio. I left my full-time job a month back.” “But why!” she asks, in dismay. I say, “Well, I hadn’t really taken a break since my grads… So I am working on self-development so that my career prospects are better”. To which I hear the dreaded words “ But child! Why!! Why are you so concerned about your career?”.

I swallow. Look down. Look up. Well, it would be difficult to explain “why”; because it is about me! I battle my words in my mouth. “Because if I don’t care about my career, who will! Da” I think in my mind, but maintain the decorum of the house, keep silent, and with due respect, nod. She says “Being a girl, you have the option. You should stay on to one (temporary) job that would suit you best. You should learn other household tasks; they are (far) more important.”

I bite my teeth. I keep quiet.

My phone beeps one evening. “Wassup?” he says.

“Hey ! Long time! 4 months I guess? How are you :). We are having a get-together at home, right now. Helping Mom. Catch you later.”, I reply and the conversation ends.

Next morning I receive another text, “ Hi. How was your get-together? What did you cook?” I stare at the text for a second, and then reply, “ umm.. cook? You want yesterday’s menu??? ”, weird I think. Why should someone be interested in what we cooked at home! “NO!” He answers, “I wanted to know what YOU prepared for the party”. And instantly I think many things :

  1. How did he presume I cooked?
  2. How did he presume I WOULD cook for a party?
  3. Why is he interested in my cooking?
  4. A conversation about my cooking, after 4 months of silence?

I quit the debate and simplify the conversation, “umm…..I don’t really cook.”.“YOU DON’T!! oh my God” he retorts, sounding almost half heartbroken. “But how can that be possible! You told me yourself that you were helping your mother! What was that then?” He accuses, as though I were caught guilty in crime. Or, perhaps, almost anxiously, as though he were questioning his boss about him being fired. As I deliberate about which of the two suits his tone of question; a worried conversation follows, from his side, persisting almost the entire day about the virtues of a woman and her responsibilities. And finally, on a bitter note he ends, “I pity your husband whoever he is”. “Why”, I think, considering the fact that I don’t even have one! But I preserve the golden silence, despising another long endless chain of messages. But he, nevertheless, obliges. “If you don’t cook, what will he eat! He’ll starve. My god. A girl should cook. My wife will have to. ”, he concludes. And I switch off the phone. A self-proclaimed hero is better far, than near; even a text-message can be injurious to health because a rising B.P and temper does do much harm, even to a simple human being. Medically proven.

I turn to my work, and continue to work on my “full time job”, ME. I have an appointment with one of the companies I freelance with. In a conversation with the director, “But Apsara, being a girl , you have the option. Marry a guy, rich preferably, and you don’t really have to fret over your career!” I choke over my coffee. “I am not sure I have any such option sir” , I reply; to which I get a reassuring answer “ Don’t worry darling! There is someone out there who will take you”, and I think, am I an object?

An ex-admirer calls me, he wants to meet. I prefer a late night call. I return his call, and the conversation is directed to “Being a girl, I just thought you would want to be my wife and give me children. ” ; and I subconsciously check the statement ; “give me children”.Hmm… do people give children to eachother? like chocolates? perhaps… ,my thoughts interrupted, he says “I don’t want anybody to even think about you. I don’t want anybody to look at you. Forget your theatre dreams. Forget your media ambitions.”; “But you are only interested in your career. That’s the only reason we aren’t together. ” He adds spitefully.

I am 22 years old. Old highlights in many ways , while “young” highlights in other ways.

OLD because people all of a sudden feel I am in a “marriageable” age, or at least that I have entered the threshold. YOUNG because my career is only at the start. My dreams are still, a little away from realisation; and my aspirations can fill a novel. And hence, I like to believe I am young. I like to believe I have time to realise my ambitions and live my passions. I like to simply, believe.

Am sorry, but my dream is not about having children or to cook for my husband. My dream is not marriage. These aren’t my “dreams”. I know in my heart, that a family will happen someday, because I have a lot of love within me to offer to the universe. But where I stand today, I have a loving supporting family and my priorities are different.

Strange, but against the popular notion, “being a girl, you have an option.”, I wonder, do I? Do I really have an option?

For girls like me, who have been raised on moral values of equality, who have been encouraged to dream, who have learnt to believe in themselves, who aspire; how much of an option do we have?

Can I marry a guy who believes I am his property, with the prime function to deliver children for “him”? Can I marry a guy who feels I just have to cook every meal, every day. Can I marry a guy who doesn’t let me work? Can I be with a person who doesn’t believe that I am an individual?

The “options” are far lesser, aren’t they? On the contrary I’d have to look for a man supportive enough , who lets me be me, and respects my free will.

The point is, an individual identity exists for every human being. Why do we, then, live in clichéd social frameworks?

I respect all the beautiful mothers and wives out there, form the bottom of my heart, who are full-time home-makers. But, provided, THAT is what they really wanted to do. Every person has desires within. Something that completes you and adds significance to your being. If that feeling of immense peace comes from raising your family, or loving your husband, alone; then, THAT is the best thing to happen to you.

But if that fire burns for more, then you have a different direction to pursue. Not the path where we pass on our dreams to our children in heritage, for our lack of fulfilment, but a path where you pursue your dreams, Yourself!

A working woman, with an intelligence, emotion and creative quotient thoroughly satisfied can be a great mother and wife.

Why even think of giving up one life?

Besides, in the end, the battle is always yours alone. You face the test alone. And you face the failures and rewards alone. With the give and take of affections and warmth, the journey certainly becomes more enjoyable, but still, it IS only your own.

No one else can live your life for you, then why live your life one terms of others?

A healthy blend of compromises on the receiving and serving end, with a rational approach, is what makes a successful life.

And so there is nothing like “being a girl, you have the option”. And nothing like “Being a girl you should….”

There are too many fences we have drawn around us – for men and women, alike. But why live in them?

Life is a journey, and a Life-partner is someone with whom we can cherish, enjoy and share.  An alter-ego or perhaps someone totally unlike you! Only the visions need blend and support. So, let’s just chill and remember that we all have an identity. And our responsibility is, nothing but, to keep that fire burning; to keep that light glowing with peace and happiness . It’s not about the “options” you have; it is about YOU. And YOU my dear, are the priority 😉 !

There is a world out there that is totally liberated. But this post, is a toast to those of us who celebrate the freedom of thought and action. This post is a toast to all our dreams, all our smiles and all our happy-endings 😉 Cheers!

love,

Apsara.

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