It’s 3.44 a.m. I returned from a gang-wars-movie at midnight and spent some time analyzing the film. I am not able to sleep, so I get up and make myself a Cup of Tea for my tea time conversations.
Yes! It’s time to blog.

The movie was the story of a criminal and his life. The violence and language was all as expected from the genre, but somehow  I am drifted towards to topic of how this all adds up to our society and the way we perceive women. I admit, it wasn’t centric on women or abusive per se, but some scenes  some thoughts stayed to disturb me (and keep me awake :p) and so, with my cup of tea, I am here to finish and un-finished conversation. At least, attempt! 

2 weeks ago, the Porn Ban was quite in focus. People discussing it on all platforms and with difference perspectives. Around the same time, an article that I read, hit me and lead me to ‘investigate’ the subject.

Does porn really cause crime? When I asked my elders, after a few awkward moments of silence, they explained –

Perhaps the educated look at it as erotic pleasure, but there’s a world out there of uneducated, uncivilized people, who only get aroused. It doesn’t matter then, who they see before them. All women, become objectified.

I personally never thought Porn caused crime – going by the online researches and reviews that say porn is a way out for sexual gratification, and in many cases, creating no effect on crime against women or at times even decreasing the ratio of crimes.

When I wrote my post and shared it with a close circle of friends, they suggested I send it to an online magazine and increase the reach. I did so, and the post ” Porn Ban – does porn lead to crime?” – Part 1  – went onto the blogs section on Indian Exponent.

A little while after I sent in my post, and I recieved a confirmation about them publishing it, I found many threads of discussion on the same site.

One particular article seemed to have answers:

Is Majority of India, which is still confused about consent in sex, ready for Porn?

So, what I am getting to is – it’s WE as a society that needs to grow and needs to develop and needs to become stronger. We need to be more rooted about what we think of women and how we want to treat them.

The woman’s individuality has to grow and it HAS to be supported by both men and women!

(yes! We’ll discuss that on another day!)

There are two ways that we must adopt ahead:

1. Education for adults – no! I am NOT talking about computer training and skill development. I am talking about Education on HOW men and women are equal in society. How women and men together complete the world we live in.

What can be done: We could have drives across the country. Every state, every city, every locality – we pick a couple that has lived a happy and successful married life. They become ‘role’ models and their story is reached out to the lower economic strata of people educating them on HOW families should be.  This is just a random idea, but what I am trying to say is, we need drives, we need participation.

(And of course, We also need reforms, stricter laws, stricter punishments and all that. I’ve discussed it even before in the post: Crime Against Women – Part 1)

2. Women turn around and give them that answer 

I have an interesting picture to share here 🙂

Based on the discussion from my blog published on Indian Exponent, we drew observations. I am sharing a paragraph from the article..

“ In the patriarchal society –

• The woman is meant to stay home
• The woman is meant to hold her head low.
• She has to hide behind a pallu
• She cannot say the name of her husband
• She cannot say “NO” to her husband.

The idea of the woman staying home and the man working can be based on the basic intention of a balanced household – but as time has passed, it has gradually been understood that women are equally competent. And as women began to be educated and ‘standing on their own feet’, the world around us began to change.

As women have been empowered, the men have become spiteful.
As more women step out of homes, more uneducated men become angered.
They look at the modern, educated, well-to-do women as the one who stole their right.
Had she not sat on the same benches as them, they would have got the jobs she did.

Had she not urged forward in a career, they would have controlled the household.
Had she not voiced out her thoughts and made choices in relationships, sexual desires, and profession, they would have easily over powered. They would have remained rulers.
 
As we inch forward to more women becoming ‘visible’, they hold the grudge.
When a woman asks for a cab, that resentful man is disgruntled to take ‘her orders’.
A dear friend once recounted an incident. She was parking a vehicle in the parking lot of a building, and the watchman told her to take it out. She argued that it was her aunt’s building and it was fine to keep the vehicle there, and he retorts “Hamare wahan hote toh aurat hone ki aukad bata dete.” – meaning “if you had been in my part of the country, I’d have shown you women your right place”.
When she reported the disrespect to building authorizes, all they said was, “we can’t fire him. What if the replacement behaves in the same manner?”
And that’s the saddest part. We cringe form taking action and setting examples and every time we fail to discourage dishonor, we’re – as a society, encouraging crime.” (You can read the whole article: here)

And after reading the post, a friend sends me this picture:

I am so intrigued, I ask him to elaborate. He says (and I repeat, ‘he’ says), “It starts from Inequality, goes on to women finding their sense of freedom, it then leads to crime till women react and then the day of equality is reached.”

We are at ‘Level 3’. It’s time to move on!

Send me your thoughts on apsara.iyengar@gmail.com.

And any thoughts? Write in, in the comments below!