HOW TO Guide on SURVIVING 25 – 10 Feel GOOD Achievements every 25 Year Old HAS

So I am turning 25.

Everyone says “Come on! It’s just a number”

And I am like “Dude. It’s not.”

15 is a number.


17 is a number.

19 is a number

21 is a number too.

22,23, 24 are numbers.

Turning 25

But 25 ….. 25 is not.

25 – Most certainly, is NOT.

  • 25 is the number they use in movies to show the hero is grown up.
  • 25 is the number that leaves no doubt on being called “Aunty” irrespective of whether you are married or not.
  • For Men – the 25 year old guy is expected to be earning enough to be married, take care of his bride and plan for his children, their schooling, college, marriage, his own parents, his retirement  his house and everything else possible. (Heck. Even girls need to think of all that these days.)

Whatever it is, you’re labeled. Your 25. On the other side of the threshold, it’s kindda different.

However on the plus side, there are something’s that you will have managed by now.

1. You have SURVIVED the 12th HSC Boards.

2. Heck! You have survived the 10th boards too! Never underestimate the enemy and never undermine a victory! So yes, 12th pass kiya hai; aur 10th BHI pass kiya hai \m/ Yo!

3. You ARE a GRADUATE! No matter how many KTs you have or whichever way you screwed up, you’re sure to have become a graduate by 25. Many become post graduates! Whatever it is – applaud your achievement.

4. You HAVE A CAREER or something that passes as one and nobody questions it. Nobody says “what’s your future plan?” (unless about marriage. And that we discuss some other day) Period.

5. You have fallen in love and had your heart crushed. Now, they say, “it’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all” – believing there is some positive in that, here’s a ONE UP – One positive point! We have all go this one for sure by 25!

6. You have EARNED MONEY – Dude! Come on! When you were 15, 16, 17

– you didn’t ‘EARN’ money.

The hardest you worked fetched you 2 marks! But by 25 – you have definitely earned at least something of your own!

You have slogged 10 hours in office, you have worked your ***away for another person’s business, you have felt exploited, you have swear-cursed and still gone back to work the next day – BUT, you have EARNED that living.
So what! if you haven’t saved all! So what  – you have earned. Bottom line. Thumbs up!

7.   You have OFFICIALLY Passed the age of being scolded at home for anything you do.
I repeat – officially crossed the age mark. You Might NOT still get luxurious treatment at home and parents might still continue to ‘discipline’ you – but don’t give up hope. See… in the eyes of the world, you’re an adult! So… rub it in for your benefit!
E.g. Next time they scold you say “Mom, Dad – I am 25 years old for heavens’ sake! Don’t keep telling me what to do!”
Warning: Be prepared to be thrown out of the home for the same :/ make arrangements. If it doesn’t’ work, come back.
But there’s no harm in trying the “I am 25” line to your benefit! Who knows. Might just work!

8.   You once thought you were superman or super woman. Now you know the truth.
“Sala! Apan sab fod lenege.” was what you thought when you were a teenager. You are a ‘wise’ adult now. You have come to terms with what you can do and what you – well – have postponed to later. The good part is – you know 😉 and there is a WORLD out there of teenagers, and early 20s who think they are ‘rockstars’ 😀 I am telling you – sit back, take a bowl of popcorn, watch them and SMILE THE EVIL SMILE 😉

9.   You have been HUMBLED down by life
By now you have seen your set of failures. It’s done and over with! No more failures to be seen!!! \m/
At least it’s good to be optimistic now! Your phase of learning has taught you to be humble (which is why no 25 year old can be proud. Dude! We KNOW what life is, how hard it is and hence, we know we are HUMBLE!)
So, You are a HUMBLE MAN or HUMBLE Woman NOW! Be ‘proud’ that your are 25 and be proud because your are ‘humble’!  \m/

10.  And if NONE of the previous 9 have worked for you, here is something I am 100% sure you have.
At 25, you have your friends for life 🙂 You have met and lived with those amazing people who have seen you through sorrow and shared your smile in the sunshine.
You have those lovely relationships with your elders, where you’re no longer the kid. You’re like a friend.

friends-fingers

You have celebrated many “birthdays”, lived many ‘parties’, been a part of ‘many surprises’ – given them and received them, gotten drunk and talked nonsense (in my case, just the nonsense:P) danced like crazy, sang out loud, driven a bike REAL FAST or sat behind a real fast bike ;), gone on long drives, tripped alone, stayed alone, gone on a trip with friends 😀 (yeah! Did that 😀 You MUST!), had your BEST TEA TIMES and many more awesome tea times to come of course! Oh! And not to miss, had your coffee at the Café too 😉

So, basically you’ve lived 25 years of classic experiences that no one knows but you!
At the end of the day, you have only gained.

You are an adult. Congratulations!

Starting today – men and women alike – will be showered with questions on marriage (all of a sudden you’ve grown up, but you have), starting today you will feel this sense of responsibility – after all! When you’re friend’s kids call you “Aunty” and “Uncle” you’re bound to feel responsible:/  😀

But whatever it is – it will pass 🙂 and it will pass in glory! #AMEN

If you’re turning 25 just like me or have already turned 25, happy 25 to you! 😀

Let’s raise a toast to THAT birth year, which is NOT just a Number 😛 Cheers!

Porn Ban – does porn cause crime? – Part 2

It’s 3.44 a.m. I returned from a gang-wars-movie at midnight and spent some time analyzing the film. I am not able to sleep, so I get up and make myself a Cup of Tea for my tea time conversations.
Yes! It’s time to blog.

The movie was the story of a criminal and his life. The violence and language was all as expected from the genre, but somehow  I am drifted towards to topic of how this all adds up to our society and the way we perceive women. I admit, it wasn’t centric on women or abusive per se, but some scenes  some thoughts stayed to disturb me (and keep me awake :p) and so, with my cup of tea, I am here to finish and un-finished conversation. At least, attempt! 

2 weeks ago, the Porn Ban was quite in focus. People discussing it on all platforms and with difference perspectives. Around the same time, an article that I read, hit me and lead me to ‘investigate’ the subject.

Does porn really cause crime? When I asked my elders, after a few awkward moments of silence, they explained –

Perhaps the educated look at it as erotic pleasure, but there’s a world out there of uneducated, uncivilized people, who only get aroused. It doesn’t matter then, who they see before them. All women, become objectified.

I personally never thought Porn caused crime – going by the online researches and reviews that say porn is a way out for sexual gratification, and in many cases, creating no effect on crime against women or at times even decreasing the ratio of crimes.

When I wrote my post and shared it with a close circle of friends, they suggested I send it to an online magazine and increase the reach. I did so, and the post ” Porn Ban – does porn lead to crime?” – Part 1  – went onto the blogs section on Indian Exponent.

A little while after I sent in my post, and I recieved a confirmation about them publishing it, I found many threads of discussion on the same site.

One particular article seemed to have answers:

Is Majority of India, which is still confused about consent in sex, ready for Porn?

So, what I am getting to is – it’s WE as a society that needs to grow and needs to develop and needs to become stronger. We need to be more rooted about what we think of women and how we want to treat them.

The woman’s individuality has to grow and it HAS to be supported by both men and women!

(yes! We’ll discuss that on another day!)

There are two ways that we must adopt ahead:

1. Education for adults – no! I am NOT talking about computer training and skill development. I am talking about Education on HOW men and women are equal in society. How women and men together complete the world we live in.

What can be done: We could have drives across the country. Every state, every city, every locality – we pick a couple that has lived a happy and successful married life. They become ‘role’ models and their story is reached out to the lower economic strata of people educating them on HOW families should be.  This is just a random idea, but what I am trying to say is, we need drives, we need participation.

(And of course, We also need reforms, stricter laws, stricter punishments and all that. I’ve discussed it even before in the post: Crime Against Women – Part 1)

2. Women turn around and give them that answer 

I have an interesting picture to share here 🙂

Based on the discussion from my blog published on Indian Exponent, we drew observations. I am sharing a paragraph from the article..

 In the patriarchal society –

  • The woman is meant to stay home
  • The woman is meant to hold her head low.
  • She has to hide behind a pallu
  • She cannot say the name of her husband
  • She cannot say “NO” to her husband.

The idea of the woman staying home and the man working can be based on the basic intention of a balanced household – but as time has passed, it has gradually been understood that women are equally competent. And as women began to be educated and ‘standing on their own feet’, the world around us began to change.

As women have been empowered, the men have become spiteful.
As more women step out of homes, more uneducated men become angered.
They look at the modern, educated, well-to-do women as the one who stole their right.
Had she not sat on the same benches as them, they would have got the jobs she did.

Had she not urged forward in a career, they would have controlled the household.
Had she not voiced out her thoughts and made choices in relationships, sexual desires, and profession, they would have easily over powered. They would have remained rulers.
 
As we inch forward to more women becoming ‘visible’, they hold the grudge.
When a woman asks for a cab, that resentful man is disgruntled to take ‘her orders’.
A dear friend once recounted an incident. She was parking a vehicle in the parking lot of a building, and the watchman told her to take it out. She argued that it was her aunt’s building and it was fine to keep the vehicle there, and he retorts “Hamare wahan hote toh aurat hone ki aukad bata dete.” – meaning “if you had been in my part of the country, I’d have shown you women your right place”.
When she reported the disrespect to building authorizes, all they said was, “we can’t fire him. What if the replacement behaves in the same manner?”
And that’s the saddest part. We cringe form taking action and setting examples and every time we fail to discourage dishonor, we’re – as a society, encouraging crime.” (You can read the whole article: here)

And after reading the post, a friend sends me this picture:

Image

I am so intrigued, I ask him to elaborate. He says (and I repeat, ‘he’ says), “It starts from Inequality, goes on to women finding their sense of freedom, it then leads to crime till women react and then the day of equality is reached.”

We are at ‘Level 3’. It’s time to move on!

Send me your thoughts on apsara.iyengar@gmail.com.

And any thoughts? Write in, in the comments below!

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