The thing about expectations is that, people don’t like it.
You don’t like expecting things from others and they don’t like that you expect things that they can’t fulfill.
You don’t like them expecting things from you and you don’t like the burden of their “expectation”.
For instance, people say “You shouldn’t keep expectations”, blaming the person who owns the expectations. But the point is that, as long as people remain humane, they’ll continue to have emotions and as long as emotions exist, there will be expectations. But, in this world that’s so virtual, understanding valid expectations is only going to become all the more complex. Of course, not all kinds of expectations are valid (take a Bollywood scene where the heroine wants the hero to jump off a cliff for her. No, we are not talking about such expectations. We are talking about little daily life expectations.)
There is no rule book that says, “This is what you HAVE to tell your friend. And this is what you must NOT”. There is no rule book about how to behave or conduct your relationships. They all rest on emotions and hence, expectations. Expectations are just as true as commitments and they happen without words. Yes, even commitment happens without words. You commit to people, you commit friendships, even before you know it consciously because the bonds that we form with each other, happen without any declarations. Think back about your best friends, did you declare ever, “From today YOU are my best friend”? Or did you just realize one day, over a cup of Tea or perhaps, over a discussion of woes, or perhaps with age, that you’ve really been there for each other and that, indeed; YOU and your best friend, are best friends.
Relationships are things we realize. Connections happen and they happen all the time. It’s all about how we want to take it forward. We can determine the direction and that’s about all we can control. Everything else is real. Feelings, emotions, expectations and commitments – they happen and they aren’t wrong.
So, if you are one of those people who’ve felt, “Hey. She should have told me this.” And then shun it off saying, “Hmm… it’s okay… kuch commit toh nahi kiya tha” (Hmm.. we hadn’t committed anything to each other, so I better leave the thought ignored), then it’s time to realize, it is okay.
It’s okay to expect from people who are close to you.
It’s okay to demand their attention.
It’s okay to tell them about your expectation and talk about it.
It’s okay to explain to them, that some expectations happen without words, and that, they should understand what your feelings are.
However, if there is an awkward void and you don’t know how to deal with it, lie low. If you have expectations from someone, and you think it’s too insignificant to the other person, don’t drag the matter. Bring it up once, talk it out. If the “talking” doesn’t happen or doesn’t work, then let go. This is the “virtual” age. You will meet loads of people, and you will pass loads of people. With the way we all connect now a days, we are bound to find many, many real people around us; many real connections which just may become stronger. And as they get stronger, we need to flexible in two ways:
1. Understanding that expectations will happen. And if, the other person doesn’t seem to be in a position to fulfill the expectations, let go of the expectation. Keep a healthy space and a balanced relationship.
2. Respecting the other person’s expectation. Understand, that from all the interactions that you have with people, there will be expectations. You have to weigh the expectations against the importance of the person in your life and the relevance and feasibility of the expectation; and then take your decision on fulfilling it. But in either case, respect the expectation.
So that thing about expectations? THAT thing they say You must not keep?
Well, that’s not right. You may keep your expectations; just understand, acknowledge and respect them.