The thing about expectations is that, people don’t like it.
You don’t like expecting things from others and they don’t like that you expect things that they can’t fulfill.
You don’t like them expecting things from you and you don’t like the burden of their “expectation”.
For instance, people say “You shouldn’t keep expectations”, blaming the person who owns the expectations. But the point is that, as long as people remain humane, they’ll continue to have emotions and as long as emotions exist, there will be expectations. But, in this world that’s so virtual, understanding valid expectations is only going to become all the more complex. Of course, not all kinds of expectations are valid (take a Bollywood scene where the heroine wants the hero to jump off a cliff for her. No, we are not talking about such expectations. We are talking about little daily life expectations.)
There is no rule book that says, “This is what you HAVE to tell your friend. And this is what you must NOT”. There is no rule book about how to behave or conduct your relationships. They all rest on emotions and hence, expectations. Expectations are just as true as commitments and they happen without words. Yes, even commitment happens without words. You commit to people, you commit friendships, even before you know it consciously because the bonds that we form with each other, happen without any declarations. Think back about your best friends, did you declare ever, “From today YOU are my best friend”? Or did you just realize one day, over a cup of Tea or perhaps, over a discussion of woes, or perhaps with age, that you’ve really been there for each other and that, indeed; YOU and your best friend, are best friends.
Relationships are things we realize. Connections happen and they happen all the time. It’s all about how we want to take it forward. We can determine the direction and that’s about all we can control. Everything else is real. Feelings, emotions, expectations and commitments – they happen and they aren’t wrong.
So, if you are one of those people who’ve felt, “Hey. She should have told me this.” And then shun it off saying, “Hmm… it’s okay… kuch commit toh nahi kiya tha” (Hmm.. we hadn’t committed anything to each other, so I better leave the thought ignored), then it’s time to realize, it is okay.
It’s okay to expect from people who are close to you.
It’s okay to demand their attention.
It’s okay to tell them about your expectation and talk about it.
It’s okay to explain to them, that some expectations happen without words, and that, they should understand what your feelings are.
However, if there is an awkward void and you don’t know how to deal with it, lie low. If you have expectations from someone, and you think it’s too insignificant to the other person, don’t drag the matter. Bring it up once, talk it out. If the “talking” doesn’t happen or doesn’t work, then let go. This is the “virtual” age. You will meet loads of people, and you will pass loads of people. With the way we all connect now a days, we are bound to find many, many real people around us; many real connections which just may become stronger. And as they get stronger, we need to flexible in two ways:
1. Understanding that expectations will happen. And if, the other person doesn’t seem to be in a position to fulfill the expectations, let go of the expectation. Keep a healthy space and a balanced relationship.
2. Respecting the other person’s expectation. Understand, that from all the interactions that you have with people, there will be expectations. You have to weigh the expectations against the importance of the person in your life and the relevance and feasibility of the expectation; and then take your decision on fulfilling it. But in either case, respect the expectation.
So that thing about expectations? THAT thing they say You must not keep?
Well, that’s not right. You may keep your expectations; just understand, acknowledge and respect them.
Expectation does not depend upon Commitment.
Any relationship in the world depends on 4 things 1. Care 2. Understanding 3. Respect 4. Dependence and where this 4 things are present, expectation is born. 🙂
True! I am not saying expectation is dependent on commitment (Although care happens because we are committed to the person we care for. For instance, people are committed to their children. You love your child, you care for your child. You will have at least certain expectations from him. It’s up to you what you want to keep and what you want to let go. That’s a different story.) Expectation and commitment are two different concepts, which merge a bit and I am only comparing them. In fact, I am introducing the idea that “Commitment” also, “happens”. (Even commitment in romantic love and friendships. You may not tell a person that you are in love with them, but the commitment happens in the heart 😉 )Generally, it is presumed that, commitment has to be spoken or written, but in the relationships we share with people around us, we are all committed to each other without even saying it. Friendship is an unspoken commitment. And it’s when we are committed to people, we expect something back. When we pour our heart, we expect someone to respect it, things like that. The expectation that is born, isn’t wrong. Expectations are not wrong; they are justified in their own place!:):) That’s what I am trying to say.
Nice article, every relation has expectations and one must respect it.
Thanks for reading 🙂 Glad you liked the post.
gud one 🙂 n let me tel.u dat dis is prakruti commemting here 🙂 anyways , liked it !! it reminds me o d incident whn v met at goodies n u askd tld me hey, u havnt changd aftr marriage!! so i guess u expected sm change in me defntly… 🙂 bt den wht expectations to fullfill n whc expctation to let go vl decide our way o life… how wld v want to tk things… one wrong expectation( according to us) fullfilled can take u to a very diffrnt direction … n simolarly one right fullfillmemt can also tk u one stp ahead of our direction… bt let me tell u no.one can feel dis emotion – expectation – better dan a newly married grll 🙂
Haha Dear Prakruti, Thanks for reading and thanks for the thoughts! 🙂 First- you’ve taken “expectation” to an all new level 😀 I din’t “expect” it :p … See, when I said, “you’ve not changed”, that expectation is of a different kind. That’s like “I expected to pass”, “I expected to win a lotery”, “I expected to fall ill because of the rains” … those are differnt types of expectations… that’s more like prediction 😀 (Wah! Whole new definition! ) But… ya… the point you made, “noone can know expectation better than a newly married girl” *Salutes* to that! 🙂 Yes… I can only imagine how deep that statement must be. I am sure, living up to all the expectations and managing your own expectations from people around you must be quite a task!:) It’s all about effort and understanding I guess then! Much love and hugs, Apsara 🙂
lolss 🙂 yes a whole new level it achieved … bt u knw hw my sense o humour is !! 🙂 newys liked it n thnkss for d unacclaimed task dat im into dese dayzz !! 🙂 huggs xoxo
Interesting thoughts, Apsara.
My take on expectations –
Plan A – Don’t expect.
Plan B – If you expect, don’t expect it to be fulfilled.
Plan C – If fulfilled, fine. If not, don’t worry, take alternative steps and go back to plan A 🙂
But Manjeet! You missed the exact point!! That’s what I am trying to say – expectations are NOT wrong. That’s why we should NOT be telling our self “Not to Expect” things from people. In fact, we should be telling ourselves HOW to deal with our own expectations and expectations of others.
We need to weigh relationships, even make up to people who matter to us… on the grounds of these fulfilled and unfulfilled expectations. For instance, I might expect a friend to remember my birthday. The friend forgets. I am hurt. However, he or she values the relationship & lets me know that he respects my expectation, and makes up to me by spending time on another day. Something like that you know! 🙂 ok… too much philosophy 😛 but thanks for reading 🙂 Lot of scope for debate 😀
Interesting thoughts again, Apsara. I am not saying expectations are right or wrong. I am just saying avoid expectations as plan A, because it reduces hurt (as you mentioned – birthday example – i am hurt), but as we are human, we sometimes expect. That’s fine, but if you expect, don’t expect it to be fulfilled – Plan B, because it involves others (your birthday example again – you expected her to, but your friend forgets.) So what to do – take an alternative step and back to plan A, which is plan C – because it is the way forward ( your birthday example again – spending time with each other on another day – and go back to plan A – don’t expect, because he/she may forget it the next / any other year too.) Though I wish, he/she doesn’t 🙂
kya solid likha hai…ts awesum..:) keep up da good work..:)
Thanks Om 😀 And yes, I wrote it 😀 😀
Nice Article, well articulated expectations!
Thanks for reading!:) You’re new on this blog right? Nice to connect! Cheers
got here I guess by goggling some blog, seems like you are from vadodara! lemme add yu on twitter.
By Googling? 😀 That’s cool! That means my blog comes up in organic search and gets me organic audience! Awesome 😀 Sure! Let’s connect on Twitter!
386253 757021I like this site so much, saved to favorites . 814074
That thing about “Talking” about our expectations is something I had never thought of. An interesting read I must say! 🙂