Falling in love more than Once – PART I

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scandalous thoughts on how love happens all the time!

I woke up in the morning and found myself thinking about this whole “process” of falling in love.

It really isn’t that difficult, I wondered (having many loves in my, very own, life).  As I sipped Tea, I realised this is a subject I needed to talk about! After all, the tea-time conversations in the past few days were leading up to this one aspect – Love.  A girl-friend talked about ‘Simultaneous’ relationships the other day at tea. She said, “When we have so many friends, so many relatives, and so many people who care and are there for us – then how can we not be in love with more than one person at the same time?

After much thought, I have a few (scandalous) points to present here:

  1. Dukh baant ne ke liye sab hai, khushi baant ne ke liye sirf kuch log
  2. Love comes and goes and happens many times

The literal translation of the first point in Hindi is: there are people to share your sadness, there are only few for happiness. This is contrary to common notion that your true friends are the ones who stand by you when you are low.

Most certainly, I know for a fact, that I would not even EXIST without my fantastic friends who have been by my side through thick-n-thin, good-bad-ugly. But I also know, that there have been times when I have won. Accomplished.  Succeeded. The times when the pain has paid off, when I have felt high and happy. There have been those special people who have celebrated with me. Celebrated my happiness. These are people who don’t just ask for a treat when you get a good exam result or a party on your birthday – these are people who will throw a party for you or treat you to a movie just to celebrate your happiness – your smile.

They are your true friends – the true people who want you to have a good life. They deserve your love.  You don’t lawyas have to express this love that you feel for these ‘special’ people. You don’t need to – they just understand. And they will be there, always.

Generally, the categories overlap. As in – the ones who are there for you when you cry are the ones who are there for you when you celebrate. But sometimes, this doesn’t happen. It is then that people in the second category emerge – The love that happens many times.

This league of friends genuinely feel happy for you and honestly wish to see u smiling. They are the people who you meet later in life. These are not necessarily the people you went to school or college with. They are the people you come across through the journey of life. (A little too philosophical ;)… well… they can be from school or college… sort of like those whom you have lost touch with or those who you connected with much later!)

So, they basically have a different life and a different “Agenda” to fulfil. Something like Kung-Fu panda (If you haven’t watched the films, you should!) – Each has a Destiny to fulfil. So, their ‘Destiny’ is different. Hence, these special people you meet and love may come and then leave; to pursue their own destinies since the purpose of their existence is not the same as yours. Along this path, where we are all set to attain a ‘fulfilment on our personal Agenda’, asking for someone to stay, forever, seems a little unlikely and unfair.

Which is why, you may stand up for them and they may hold your hand and stand by You…. But someday, somewhere, somehow the path will diverge and they shall have to move away. Perhaps with warmth, perhaps with bitterness. But the love does happen and it stays. It remains silent, it probably falls asleep forever – but it exists; it happens and it isn’t dishonest, negative or untrue.

The purists of society will then present their views about the ‘One person’, the ‘soul-mate’, the ‘Alter-ego’ who completes you. That man or woman will join you and complete your life, living with you. There is no debate on the existence of such a human being. If there is someone made for you, he/she shall walk into your life. But, will they just walk in? And everything will be set? Is life really that easy?

Besides, what about life until that person arrives?

What if I am to meet my ‘soul mate’ at 50? Should I not love the universe until then?

This is a choice that we have to make.  We can easily decide to be practical sceptics, and refrain from any emotional attachment. And I am sure, all of us will turn out just fine!

It’s just a matter of choice.

In a situation like this, I’d prefer to love the universe. To love easily. To be hurt, perhaps sometimes – and then heal gradually – because it’s only love that can happen again.

There have been times however, when I said to myself, that I don’t want to be close to anyone. I don’t want to trust – I don’t want to be light, free-spirited and myself.  I have told myself that I want to be an ‘adult’ who is not her true self before the world. But, inevitably, it only becomes harder to not be yourself than to be – it’s harder to stop yourself from being kind, warm and not-restricted. It’s easier to work when you only have your ‘work’ to worry about and not who you are trying to be or hide from the world.

This is why love can happen many times.

The kind of love that doesn’t see foe, friend or gender – I have friends of the opposite gender whom I love very much non-romantically; I have lady-friends who I call my ‘true loves’ because they can always be counted upon and then there are some who I may love and who may not love me back. This class also includes those who have hurt me at some point of time or the other.

Strange as it may sound, somehow, I even feel an attachment for those who haven’t been my strength and support. Well… maybe I shouldn’t call it attachment – but some space in my heart is occupied by those people as well, with whom things haven’t been very ‘pretty’. (This could perhaps be because after a point of time, it’s only the ‘intensity’ of emotion that remains and not really the good or bad? Hmm… too random! Just a thought ;))

So, there are these beautiful and not so beautiful people who enter your life and become a sort-of-love. (We can call them the ‘temporary-loves’ if you want to ;)).

When these relationships end, they may shake us a bit but they leave us with a lot. (again… sounds too philosophical?  But it’s not that complex 😛 ) It is these encounters that help us find ourselves – through tears or through love, thorough pain or through power – people in our lives influence who we are. What I mean here is that, they influence you in a way that you define what your choices are. Irrespective of whether they revoke a positive response or a negative response from you, it is the response that counts. It makes you define yourself.

Now what are these positive and negative responses?

What about the ‘romantic” loves?

Why do romantic loves happen many times? Or do they or do they not?

Can there be simultaneous loves?

Well, if you found this post interesting, stay tuned 🙂

We shall discuss the kinds of love-s and how they happen on another day, very very soon.

For now, I am leaving you with this song that you MUST send to those you love! Go ahead… it’s OKAY to love 🙂

Cheers,

A

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12 Comments

  1. How interesting that I read this post after discussing the topic with a friend who is much much older than the two of us. “Simultaneous loves” is of course possible. If the feeling is pure and true it cannot and need not be justified in anyway. Waiting for Part 2… Cheers!

  2. What i felt after reading ur words is something about ’emotional vacuum’ which is created at certain point of time in any relationships and mainly gives pain. this vacuum is filled automatically when someone (not so special at that point of time ) tries touch our emotional situation and we feel that this someone can heal our wounds and we start enjoying his/her company (u said it temporary love 🙂 ). I am with you on this point that its obvious that we get attached with more then one people in life and nothing is wrong in that and of course its not scandalous thought, at least to me 🙂

  3. Kabir said.” Dukh Mein Sumiran Sab Kare , Sukh Mein Kare Na Koye
    Jo Sukh Mein Sumiran Kare , Tau Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye”

    YOU SAID.”
    Love comes and goes and happens many times”.
    I want to ask you, what kind of love are you talking about.
    I hope its not romantic one!

    I think every person is true/good. It depends upon the situation for what they become!

    Very well said,”It remains silent, it probably falls asleep forever – but it exists; it happens and it isn’t dishonest, negative or untrue”

    1. Hi Shariq,
      First, glad you read through it entirely 😀 … Well, in this post, I was talking about the many loves that happen, the people we meet and grow fond of… it’s not particularly romantic… but can be, can’t it? Can’t romantic loves happen more than once? 🙂 I am currently writing the second post, in sequence – about romantic loves happening more than once. What’s your opinion on that?

      1. I have been in a lot of relationships and i am into one presently. Its always love to me, but after we break up or go apart b/c of career, distance and bla bla, i realise, had it been love, it would have never ended. I strongly believe that love, weather its romantic, parental, or any other, its unconditional and non demanding. Its natural, Its understood. You dont need to boast about it, you dont need to talk about it or express it in weird ways ( Ooo Shoooo cute types 😛 ), it just comes automatically. without any plans, without any aims, without any guit, thought or expextations!

        Love can happen only once!
        Just wait for the right time and the right person!

  4. Perhaps there can be only one soulmate (though paulo coelho’s Brida defies even that :P), but feelings for people do happen.. Proximity, situations, and simple connections and friendships also form bonds… I’d term all intimate associations as love.. so what if they part ways.. shouldn’t be defying their existence should we? that would mean defying a part of your life 🙂
    And about “unconditional” – well, i don’t know if there’s anything unconditional. We do have some amount of expectations – even if you don’t expect them to love you back, you expect them to respect you; if they love you back, you expect them to respond to you,; in friendships you expect honesty – these are all expectations .. we term things as “unconditional” when our conditions are met even without asking 😉 And even those expressions (the oh sohoo cute:P) are spontaneous – ofcourse you don’t need them!! but they happen too 😛 , I guess!!

    And ya, even I am a believer of “One” love, but can’t help falling in love over and over again, getting hurt and moving on 😀

    1. You have a philosophy of loving-being hurt- moving on- again into love.

      What i am trying to say is” yes, though we deal with the situations, we fall for someone, get hurt, fall for some other, but please don’t call it love.
      Its highly demeaning.
      All this things are just a part of life, Its a different kind of friendship but its not love.

      Love in itself is a big, in fact very big term. There is no parallel between love and the teenage/college/ university relationships!

      Love to an extent might not be unconditional.
      But any relationship which has “ego” in it, is NOT LOVE.

      You may think what i said, You may also relate it with life.
      The love b/w your parents, b/w you and your siblings and many more other relationships!

  5. And of in a relationship, you were hurt so badly that you were forced to move on then its not love at all. common sense! Love will not hurt you. Love can never hurt you.
    If you are actually in love, then the pain that arises is itself sweet.
    And the relationships people are into these days have a lot of literal pain in it.
    So, its love, just for name sake!

    A very great friend of mine said,”Love inspires to live us. Love that sends us to depression or makes us suicidal is not love but mere illusion.And we must free ourself from illusions”

  6. I am calling it love because it has a part of us… we don’t have to be so hard on ourselves saying we never love!! or love just once!… You don’t need to call all your past associations as love, but some were. I am not referring to college relationships or any ego hassles … some people leave a mark and hence, a type of love. If not for them, then for yourself!

  7. You really have a gift of writing. And I agree with you almost all of what you have written.

    In my opinion, falling in love happens when you are attracted to somebody. In my case, it happens mostly with opposite gender irrespective of their age. The underlying reasons can be so many that I cannot even make the non-exhaustive list here!!!!

    Though frequent falling in love is very legitimate feeling, for most of the time it appears not practical. In my opinion, it comes in clash with general social norms, personal roles and responsibilities, physical distance, and in few cases it is not viable economically. When you consider realities of life, majority of the love feelings fall apart. And what emerges and appears right is concept of one love, soulmate, and the significant half of your life.

    Because of this reality, even most romantic people tend to settle down with one person as far as love is concerned. But yes, the feeling of other loves remains hidden, sometimes intact in persons heart.

    And when sometimes the route gets crossed with the old flames, scandle (in the eyes of stereotypes) takes place.

    Anyway these are my thoughts on the subject.

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