Falling in love more than Once – PART I

scandalous thoughts on how love happens all the time!

I woke up in the morning and found myself thinking about this whole “process” of falling in love.

It really isn’t that difficult, I wondered (having many loves in my, very own, life).  As I sipped Tea, I realised this is a subject I needed to talk about! After all, the tea-time conversations in the past few days were leading up to this one aspect – Love.  A girl-friend talked about ‘Simultaneous’ relationships the other day at tea. She said, “When we have so many friends, so many relatives, and so many people who care and are there for us – then how can we not be in love with more than one person at the same time?

After much thought, I have a few (scandalous) points to present here:

  1. Dukh baant ne ke liye sab hai, khushi baant ne ke liye sirf kuch log
  2. Love comes and goes and happens many times

The literal translation of the first point in Hindi is: there are people to share your sadness, there are only few for happiness. This is contrary to common notion that your true friends are the ones who stand by you when you are low.

Most certainly, I know for a fact, that I would not even EXIST without my fantastic friends who have been by my side through thick-n-thin, good-bad-ugly. But I also know, that there have been times when I have won. Accomplished.  Succeeded. The times when the pain has paid off, when I have felt high and happy. There have been those special people who have celebrated with me. Celebrated my happiness. These are people who don’t just ask for a treat when you get a good exam result or a party on your birthday – these are people who will throw a party for you or treat you to a movie just to celebrate your happiness – your smile.

They are your true friends – the true people who want you to have a good life. They deserve your love.  You don’t lawyas have to express this love that you feel for these ‘special’ people. You don’t need to – they just understand. And they will be there, always.

Generally, the categories overlap. As in – the ones who are there for you when you cry are the ones who are there for you when you celebrate. But sometimes, this doesn’t happen. It is then that people in the second category emerge – The love that happens many times.

This league of friends genuinely feel happy for you and honestly wish to see u smiling. They are the people who you meet later in life. These are not necessarily the people you went to school or college with. They are the people you come across through the journey of life. (A little too philosophical ;)… well… they can be from school or college… sort of like those whom you have lost touch with or those who you connected with much later!)

So, they basically have a different life and a different “Agenda” to fulfil. Something like Kung-Fu panda (If you haven’t watched the films, you should!) – Each has a Destiny to fulfil. So, their ‘Destiny’ is different. Hence, these special people you meet and love may come and then leave; to pursue their own destinies since the purpose of their existence is not the same as yours. Along this path, where we are all set to attain a ‘fulfilment on our personal Agenda’, asking for someone to stay, forever, seems a little unlikely and unfair.

Which is why, you may stand up for them and they may hold your hand and stand by You…. But someday, somewhere, somehow the path will diverge and they shall have to move away. Perhaps with warmth, perhaps with bitterness. But the love does happen and it stays. It remains silent, it probably falls asleep forever – but it exists; it happens and it isn’t dishonest, negative or untrue.

The purists of society will then present their views about the ‘One person’, the ‘soul-mate’, the ‘Alter-ego’ who completes you. That man or woman will join you and complete your life, living with you. There is no debate on the existence of such a human being. If there is someone made for you, he/she shall walk into your life. But, will they just walk in? And everything will be set? Is life really that easy?

Besides, what about life until that person arrives?

What if I am to meet my ‘soul mate’ at 50? Should I not love the universe until then?

This is a choice that we have to make.  We can easily decide to be practical sceptics, and refrain from any emotional attachment. And I am sure, all of us will turn out just fine!

It’s just a matter of choice.

In a situation like this, I’d prefer to love the universe. To love easily. To be hurt, perhaps sometimes – and then heal gradually – because it’s only love that can happen again.

There have been times however, when I said to myself, that I don’t want to be close to anyone. I don’t want to trust – I don’t want to be light, free-spirited and myself.  I have told myself that I want to be an ‘adult’ who is not her true self before the world. But, inevitably, it only becomes harder to not be yourself than to be – it’s harder to stop yourself from being kind, warm and not-restricted. It’s easier to work when you only have your ‘work’ to worry about and not who you are trying to be or hide from the world.

This is why love can happen many times.

The kind of love that doesn’t see foe, friend or gender – I have friends of the opposite gender whom I love very much non-romantically; I have lady-friends who I call my ‘true loves’ because they can always be counted upon and then there are some who I may love and who may not love me back. This class also includes those who have hurt me at some point of time or the other.

Strange as it may sound, somehow, I even feel an attachment for those who haven’t been my strength and support. Well… maybe I shouldn’t call it attachment – but some space in my heart is occupied by those people as well, with whom things haven’t been very ‘pretty’. (This could perhaps be because after a point of time, it’s only the ‘intensity’ of emotion that remains and not really the good or bad? Hmm… too random! Just a thought ;))

So, there are these beautiful and not so beautiful people who enter your life and become a sort-of-love. (We can call them the ‘temporary-loves’ if you want to ;)).

When these relationships end, they may shake us a bit but they leave us with a lot. (again… sounds too philosophical?  But it’s not that complex 😛 ) It is these encounters that help us find ourselves – through tears or through love, thorough pain or through power – people in our lives influence who we are. What I mean here is that, they influence you in a way that you define what your choices are. Irrespective of whether they revoke a positive response or a negative response from you, it is the response that counts. It makes you define yourself.

Now what are these positive and negative responses?

What about the ‘romantic” loves?

Why do romantic loves happen many times? Or do they or do they not?

Can there be simultaneous loves?

Well, if you found this post interesting, stay tuned 🙂

We shall discuss the kinds of love-s and how they happen on another day, very very soon.

For now, I am leaving you with this song that you MUST send to those you love! Go ahead… it’s OKAY to love 🙂



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